An Open Letter To Motherhood

Dear Motherhood,

You are beautiful and scary all wrapped up in a little bow. Everything that I do, think and say revolves around you. Well, it used to. I lost myself in you and I know that might sound like a good thing to some people. But when you no longer recognize yourself and your whole identity has become an extension of your children. It starts to chip away at who you once were.

When I first became a mother I mourned who I was, and I think that it is important for all mothers to take time to mourn who they were. Because in a sense you are losing that person forever. I knew that I would never be the same again. My body, my mind, and my life had forever changed. But in a sense, I was born again. Almost like reincarnation. My old identity died and while I brought new life into the world, I too was born new.

It seemed that with every pregnancy I was being reincarnated into a new identity and the cycle was becoming exhausting. So this is my official letter, to you, motherhood, I chose me. But I also chose you. Because in my five short years as a mother I have lost myself and I want her back.

I love you, motherhood and I love being a mother but I also love being me and I think I can do both, I know I can do both. So this is not me asking permission to be myself again, this is me telling you, I will find myself again. I have found myself again. But I am not the same. I will never be the same, and I am eternally grateful to motherhood for its continued transformation.

At first, I thought, look at me my body is larger, and my thoughts have changed. But now I know the truth because my body will never be what it once was. Before motherhood, my body had never brought life into existence, before motherhood my body had never sustained life. Motherhood has made me stronger than I ever knew possible. I will never be the same.

I am proud of who I have become both in motherhood and outside of motherhood. I will never be the same, but why would I want to? So Dear motherhood, Thank you. Thank you for the lessons and thank you for showing me how strong I really am. You are terrifying and beautiful at the same time and I will continue to grow through you. But I will also continue to grow into me. Let's do this together because "We are all stories, in the end, let's make it a good one, eh?" - The Doctor

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