My third Baby, Jonah was born on December thirty-first, and I really didn’t think she would come. I was overdue, tiered, and in Pain. I had prodromal labor for about three weeks leading up to my delivery. It was the most exhausting thing. I would go through hours of contractions just for them to fade away. It felt like I was never going to have the baby. I looked up everything physically I could do to help get labor going and I tried it all!
I went into this pregnancy knowing I really wanted to give birth naturally but thinking I would just go with the flow. I really regret the way I thought about this. It caused me to accept medication during labor that I knew I did not want.
It started how most days did. I was in pain, tired, and over pregnancy. I was forty-one weeks pregnant. towards mid-day, I started getting contractions as usual. I let my husband know and went to lay down until they subsided. I turned on some criminal minds and was ready to wait it out. but that didn’t happen this time. I got a big one. They started getting worse instead of fading out. That’s when I let my mom know. it’s time. I was okay though. Contractions were coming in regularly and painfully but I could handle it.
My mom was on her way, my husband put the other children to bed and I got my bath ready. I have always longed for a water birth. I knew it wasn’t going to happen but I could at least labor in my tub until it was time to go. I had an entire playlist of songs labeled “labor” on my Spotify, but instead, I propped my computer up and watched criminal minds. I’m not sure why but I’m this moment I needed a consistent show to put my focus into.
my contractions in the tub were manageable with movement. As a contraction came over me, sitting up, I moved my hips in circles. The waves of water hitting me as the contractions continued reminded me to let go. Getting lost and surrendering to the pain was the easiest in the water. I was in nowhere near as much pain as I was when I was out of the water.
After a while, I needed to get out and get dressed for the hospital. this is when it got bad. Looking back I wish I would've stayed until it was time to leave. The water was so comforting and relieving. for the last twenty minutes of waiting, I laid in bed. That’s when they got bad, and then I felt it. the unmistakable feeling of my water bag bursting. But this time there was no water.
After my mom arrived my husband and I rushed out the door. Side note: Does anyone thinks it’s absolutely adorable to see your husband running around the house carying a million bags looking nervous and excited. That was my husband, he got everything… except my wallet.
This is where it gets bad. I arrived at the hospital and was given a wheelchair and wheeled up to l&d as I got there screaming in pain the nurses let the attended wheeling me know I needed to be taken to obed instead. So while in labor I needed to go back down multiple flights of stairs wheeled in front of many many people screaming. My husband was told to leave and wait downstairs because of covid I needed to be there alone. Getting to obed I got into my bed and the nurse checked me. I was a three.
the nurse looked at me as I was having a contraction in pain and condescendingly said “breath you have a long way to go” (I had a baby within the hour). after then having contractions back to back I had so many things shoved into my body. A covid test shoved up my nose, 2 Ivs because the first one blew my vein, a qtip into my cervix to let them know my water did break. All while these are happening I am in a bed in pain all I wished was that I could be back in that tub at home where I felt safe. If it wasn't for my water breaking I would have not been admitted.
I got wheeled into my labor room and nurses around me were going slowly. I could barely talk my husband was still not there. I was in labor alone without anyone there to advocate for me. The nurse was giving me paperwork to sign. I had no idea what they said but I knew I needed to sign them so I did. I wish I would’ve told her I was incapable to sign as I could barely hold a pen. Yet in pain barely conscious I was asked to sign papers with no one telling me what they said. I have no idea what I signed. After I got situated about thirty minutes after being checked in the obed someone checked me and I was a six.
The nurse let me know she was going to get me some iv pain meds and came back with them. She gave me some. This is the medication I told myself I would never get again. However, I was in a bed alone and scared with no one there for me. I started thinking to myself I am never going to be strong enough to do this without medication. This medication doesn’t really do much besides make you feel loopy. It also lasts about ten minutes. The doctor came in and tried speaking with me and then left.
The nurse in my room started getting worried. I could tell something was wrong she asked for an internal monitor for me and when it was put in the other nurse said “she’s complete” that’s when they finally took me seriously. During that time the nurse kept trying to lay me down and I had to ask please sit me up. Laying flat caused the pain to be worse. Eventually, minutes before I started pushing, my husband arrived in the room. Which he had to ask multiple people to bring him. No one was even going to get him, if he had not spoken up he would have missed the birth of his child.
Then something happened to my body I had never felt before. My body was pushing. I could not stop it. it was the strangest feeling ever. I kept apologizing telling them I can't stop it.
The doctor finally arrived and I was ready to get the baby out. Then the nurse laid me down and I screamed. laying down hurt so much. But since I was alone when I was begging to be sat up no one could tell her otherwise. Then the doctor said sternly "she needs to stop screaming." So I just needed the baby out and I pushed. after about 3 pushes the baby came out as well as the rest of my water bag. I had no tearing and I felt great, I felt powerful. I could feel the baby come out but it didn't hurt. She kinda just slipped out.
I had the most proud feeling. I felt powerful. I felt like I can do anything. At that moment I knew all the pain was worth it. I knew I could do anything. it was a different feeling than I had with my other babies. I regretted the pain meds I was given and wish I had someone there holding my hand. I know I am strong enough and I will never again let anyone tell me otherwise not even myself.
I wanted to get out of that hospital as fast as possible. I was discharged the next day. I know that after my 3 hospital births I will do everything in my power to never have a hospital birth again. Do not let them convince you that you are not strong enough. you are strong and you are capable. Regardless of the way that we bring life into this world, medicated delivery, c-section, or free birth our bodies are portals into this universe, we create life inside of us and that is pretty Impressive.